A place to breathe….

Ang dami kong gustong isulat, kailangang isulat na ngayon bago pa mawala sa isip ko.

Seth
Inggit ako, uwi sya today. I know I’ve just been home a few months ago pero if I can I want to go home every quarter hehehhehehe. But thinking about it, di pa ako handang umuwi for good. I still have plans na di pa tapos, some unfinished business dito at sa pinas. Siguro it will come, yung feeling that I’m ready to go back but now I just want to “VISIT”  every now and then.

Been good
I’ve been so good this week. Followed the rules by the book and sure benefitted from it. Last night for the first time, I felt it on my clothes. The shirt that I love doesn’t stick to my skin anymore, there’s a ” room” to breath hehehhehe. I”m definitely going to continue till I achieve what I want and yesterday didn’t exist =) I had two slices of cake, 2 samosa, 1 cookie, fries and eat all you can gambas agogo. When I hit the scale today, it’s not so bad at all so no more cheating for me…

Guilty
Nitong mga nakaraang araw at linggo, masyado akong nakafocus sa sarili ko. Ano kailangan ko, pano ko mapapabuti ang sitwasyon at buhay ko. Masyadong occupied about “ME” na nakalimutan ko na ung ibang tao sa paligid ko. Nakikita ko at nakakausap mga kapamilya ko at  kaibigan ko pero not really sure what’s going on in there or I didn’t bother at all. Nakalimutan ko, kailangan din pla nila ako.

Reflection
Kahapon umattend ako ng children’s bday party. Sa totoo lang super ako nagenjoy. Nakakalungkot lang kasi the kids were trying to talk to me pero konti lang naiintindihan ko. AT ang bibilis pang magsalita =) they were so cute, so full of energy and so fun. Napagisip tuloy ako, anong klaseng anak magkakaroon ako when finally I have my own. Anong klaseng magulang ako magiging… Excited ako what the future holds for me. Sana meron din libro on how to live your life, i know it will be less fun but if it can make you do things and know the result maybe i will try it, just maybe…  May nakita ako don, kids of interracial. Ang cute nung black baby boy kaso ayaw sumama sa akin. I was picturing myself, hahhahaaha… Well wala nman masamang magday dream paminsan-minsan noh… pero one thing I realized, it’s not yet for me. Maybe I want it but not now…

Now I have to start moving my ass and do some home cleaning. I might swim later or go biking, depends on the mood.. ONe thing for sure, I feel so relaxed and happy this weekend…

For more than 3 years I have been eating breakfast, lunch and dinner outside. Outside means cafeteria and restaurants. And no, it didn’t occur to me to actually try other means. I always justify this by saying that it will be more expensive if I start preparing food at home and I don’t have the time.

A few weeks ago, I started bringing food for breakfast and lunch at the office. I sometimes do a grocery for breakfast like youghurt and bananas. For lunch, now I bring my packed lunch. I’m amazed on how less I spend and how less I use my wallet these days =)

It’s not true that I don’t have the time to prepare my food, it’s just that I never devoted time to do it. Before I was always out doing unnecessary things outside while what I should be doing is relaxing at home and attending to my needs. Rescent realization of this is when I got sick again. I always feel tired because I always stay late and out. After hospitalization I decided I will try to live a healthy life so voila!

And the best thing about is that because I bring my lunch at the office, I have now more time to do some readings. I miss my books and I miss all the updates of the world. So now, I’m very much informed of what’s going around me. But don’t take me wrong, I still go out once in a while with friends and officemates but I try to limit it now unlike before that is almost everyday… So far I’m liking the change!

Thank you Lord for blessing me with people with kind heart, I call them friends.

A brought me to the hospital.
B went to my place to get things for me.
C, D and many others came to visit and made me smile inside my room in the hospital.
E brought me home cooked meals coz I despise the hospital food
F brought me fruits when I complained I don’t have fruits
G cleaned my house so it will be ready when I go home
H gave me money coz I was robbed inside my room
I and many others called and wished get well soon and offered ride for me to go home
J brought me safely home
K bought me groceries

The list is endless but I just wanted to say thank you for your generosity…
Of course I would have survived it even I was alone but you made even the most unpleasant experience tolerable simply because you guys were there.
My family and I can’t thank you enough for taking care of me when I needed it.

God Bless you all…

I’m just waiting for the nurse to finally check me out and my friend Ceylan to pick me up.
I’m quite happy to go home, I’ve been here since Thursday and as much as I appreciated their care, I need to be out already.

I’m a grown up woman now =) last time when I was hospitalized, I can’t stop crying coz I pity myself for being alone in the hospital. This time no more self pity, I was quite happy to stop for a while and take the much needed rest. This time I was quite happy that they were able to detect the problem and no more hoping that I was home when this happened.

This time I will try to take it slow.
Stop when I’m tired.
Sleep when I have to sleep.
Eat healthy foods
And take care of myself first.

I hope I don’t have to go back to the hospital soon. I can’t wait to eat my fries and chocolate sundae which I’ve been dreaming for the last few days….

Yup I’m leaving today.

I had my reflexology last night and took a pill for anti itching for my allergies. Usually this combination will leave me knock down already and wake up fully refreshed the next day except today!

I slept at almost 12 and woke up at 3, I must be very excited heheheh.
Everything is pack, ticket is ready, locks are in place, will be removing all electric plugs later…. I guess I’m ready to leave though a bit worried and sad to leave, bf was in the hospital last night till today for an accident in the office plus the fact that he just had some thorough checks last week for his head. Not so happy to leave him like this but just need to entrust him to HIM.

So in an 1.5 hours, I will take my shower and leave for the airport : )

For the past two weeks, there’s this intense feeling in my stomach every time I remember my deadline tomorrow. The deliverable is very interesting but requires a lot of creative juice. On a normal work week this is not a problem but not when I’m about to go home in the Philippines!

It was a struggle everyday to achieve a bit of something in order to meet my deadline. And it’s really a struggle coz my mind and heart are not here anymore and with this kind of project you need not only to work hard but to really be inspired and I’m not anymore!!!

So when the news came to me this morning that the software that I need to launch this project has not been purchased which means that my deadline has just been extended one month after I arrive back to Geneva, sudden Joy enveloped me! I can’t explain how happy I am right now! How free I feel!!!! Which means Manila here I come!

The sand of Bohol will do good to restore back my creative juices hehehehheeh!!! I’m on vacation mood now!!! Yahoo!!!

I need to capture the feeling till it’s there, I’m so happy!

Just got back from roller blading and I was able to go around the Divonne lake =) It may not be that big but the fact that I was able to try and finish it with no hassle is a big achievement for me.

For the first time I can actually say I can roller blades, it may not be perfect but at least I’m moving and I’m not stumbling. What’s so nice about roller blading, you get a sense of achievement everytime you can go further and everytime you develop more confidence with the skates on.

And today Lumi thought me some few techniques that made the last leg of the lake easier. And the best part of it is that I really enjoy being outside, enjoying the place and most importantly the company I’m with is superb!

Can’t wait to be able to do it with so much ease…. I will get there soon!

It’s addicting!!!

Just came back from Divonne in France for my third time to be on roller blades. Each time I put those blades on I get more and more hooked up. The more you improve, the more you want some more.

First day:
I was screaming to death when I first put the blades. I was screaming because I was literally nervous to death. I almost thought of backing out but I already have all the equipments on plus the safety gear so I will really look like a coward if I backed out. The thing that makes me feel so nervous is that the blades do not feel right on your feet. It’s just not natural at all. I was extremely happy that I was able to stand already on the 1st day. No major fall and I was able to painfully walk and glide a bit with a friend at my side. Once she didn’t pay attention to me for a split second, she found me on the floor =) yup, oops down. It was extremely painful when I remove the shoes, it’s like the feeling when i first skid. the shoes are extremely hard so if you are not very well in doing what you have to do then imagine the unnecessary force in your feet.

Second day:
I brought the roller blades on my vacation to Chamonix. I was determined to find an hour or two to practice. I want to take advantage of the fact that I have two friends roaming around with me who can actually help me by holding me while I try to get my balance.

I was lucky enough to find a flat face in Chamonix (this is a place famous for ski, meaning mountain so to find a flat surface is really a miracle). So I forced to my friends my agenda and lucky me they didn’t have any objection.

so were were already at the park, Kristeta was holding me and helping me to get my momentum. for 3o minutes we were doing back and forth while she’s holding me. then they needed to go and look for toilet. i sat and waited for them to come back. i noticed it’s been quite a while already and they still have not come back. 10 minutes and more passed, i decided to try it by myself. little by little i was able to manage to go back and forth at the park without any assistance. of course i was barely gliding, more of surviving each step but who cares!

My friends actually came back after more than an hour. They were laughing when they came back. They have done it on purpose. They knew I wouldn’t try hard if they were there so they literally left me by myself. It wasn’t so bad, I was actually very happy with my achievement. No fall at all but one funny incident. One time, I can’t turn because it was a bit of a slope and I was moving down slowly. I called a bystander to help me go back to my lane and voila I was ready to blade again =)

Third day:
I’m quite fortunate that I have friends in the office who are determined to practice roller blades as well. Today, we went to a nice big park in France. It’s perfect to learn rollerblades, it has a big lane with a few people doing roller blades, biking and walking. And the fact that they can see you are not at all stable with your rollerblades, they actually give you all the space you need. They also give cheers of encouragement, i like these people! Some even stop to give some tips, unfortunately they speak too fast and i only understood a few french words =(

Today, it felt amazing. I started to glide. I started to feel good and have my confidence with the blades. I started to look like i was actually doing roller blades. I was so happy, you can’t imagine the sense of achievement i felt. And the good thing about this is, you can actually feel that you are improving so it gives you more push to try and try.

We are planning to do it every Monday, I have to see because I already have my reflexology every Monday night. I have to do this all the time and I’m sure in no time I will be gliding like the wind! Our target is to be experts by the end of summer, not at all impossible.

Lately I needed some changes in my life. Needed a new approach in everyday living. Things have been almost the same for a couple of months now and I needed something new in my life so I decided to embark on some small but new things in my life. They may be simple but they definitely adds color to my everyday journey:

1/ i colored my nails
it’s been more than a decade since i had my nails long and colored. one day i saw my officemate with nice & long red nails. that same day i decided that i will have my nails done. i was extremely happy after going to the salon to have it made. it makes you feel more lady like. now i change the color of my nails at least 2x a week.

2/ i’m learning rollerblades
yup! you’ve read it right! i’ve passed the 1st crucial part: starting! tomorrow will be my third time that i will be practicing rollerblades. i watched some videos on the internet on how to properly do it. tomorrow i will try the new moves that i learned from the internet.

3/ joined a book club
i am a member of an expat group in Geneva and they have tons of activities. i decided to join a book club. it is quite encouraging to make me push myself to find time to read a good book. we are first meeting on the 23rd of april and going to discuss White tiger. I had the book for almost 4 months now but haven’t really touched it. it’s good to have a motivation to read some more and at the same time meeting new people.

4/ back to yoga
after 7 months, i’m back to my yoga class. it was a hard comeback. every part of me was aching. dominique said, that’s what you get for being lazy

5/ bar hopping
one friday night, i invited my friend and her husband for a drink in geneva and also to meet daniel. only to find out that i barely know any nice bar in geneva. no, we didn’t go out that night. i wasn’t feeling very well but after that incident i decided to venture out in geneva and find some really nice bar. so far i have discovered: pickwick, britannia pub, alhambra, l’antedote, jazz bar in front of novotel and cafe cuba. not bad at all! will try to find more time to check out some other bars so next time i have friends over, i will know where to bring them for a drink!

it’s been fun trying and learning new stuff. i’m definitely not stopping here.